What a day its been! If I was at Wonderland, I would shut down this roller coaster! That was dumb…oh well 😉 Here is the good the bad and the ugly about today:
The Good: I got to say good-bye to all of my ‘save my life school’ teachers and friends. I respect them all so very much and will miss them…I already do. I wore my ‘I Have Depression’ shirt today and it was a hit! Not only did my classmates say that they wanted one, strangers in the hospital atrium started conversations with me about their mental health and medications. That’s something I had NEVER imagined myself doing before! I’ve received SO MANY messages on FB and Twitter cheering me on and supporting my journey’s new chapter. And I made a necklace for Caroline like the one Adam made me, and I will wear both of them every day and hold it when I’m sad.
Then my good friend Laurie G. (used with permission) announced that she was finally ready to open up about her mental health. How amazing! She trusted that talking about it would help her heal and lift the heavy weight of stigma off of her shoulders. Everyone’s bravery in my class has never ceased to amaze me, but Laurie’s act of courage was icing on my last day cake! SO PROUD OF YOU!
PS. Note the sign behind us on the mental health inpatient entrance. I’m aloud to giggle…its been my home 3 times now.
I got to hug and reassure my kids that I will be ok when I’m away and that they have SO MUCH support here. I reminded them that I will talk to them every day, and that they will NEVER be alone! <3
The Bad: I was so sad today; to be expected I suppose. So much more change is on the horizon for me, and there’s no going back now…nor would I want to. A few days ago I was so excited to finally get into Homewood. But now that it’s here, it’s very nerve-racking. I keep asking myself questions like, ‘will I be able to manage how open they will need me to be?’, ‘will everyone be nice?’, ‘will the group dynamic be as good as save my life school’s dynamic?’, ‘ how many times will I cry?’…and more. I guess we will just have to see.
The Ugly: I will have to take weekly breaks from blogging 🙁 I am not allowed to bring my laptop, and my phone will be locked away all week. So blogging-time will be limited to when and if I can access the few computers Homewood’s library has. Being without blogging make me a bit nervous. This medium has allowed me to open my heart and mind fully to the benefits of speaking up about mental health, and I will never take that for granted. It has also allowed other people a way to see that they are not alone and that anyone can open up about their struggles. I always loved to write, but hadn’t for a long time, and blogging brought that love back for me 10-fold.
So it’s time for me to get some sleep. Hopefully nightmare free. I love all of you! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your endless support! I promise I will work my butt off at Homewood and I also promise to continue to raise mental health awareness when I return! LOVE YOU GUYS!! Chat soon, ~Nat