I lived in the dark for so long. My view, covered with a veil of depression, used to only see black and white. I craved and prayed to be able to see the colours of this world again; like through the eyes of a child. But for so long I isolated away from the light; alone, and cold. Depression and PTSD made vibrancy non-existent. And I was sure that’s how it would stay forever.
It’s taken some time, and a lot of work, but now I see the reds, blues and yellows of this vibrant world. I see hope and happiness and love – finally. Does darkness come creeping back into my life sometimes? – Yes. But I keep days of colour like today in my back pocket, like a tattered pictured of a loved one that you cherish, ready and waiting to remind me that I will one day see a small beam of light through the cracked fortress of sadness.
I’m no longer blinded by PTSD. I’m thriving in my new purposeful life. I still wear my earplugs to keep my amygdala at bay, but generally speaking I am overall symptom free. Recovery is possible if you choose a path filled with colour. Purples, oranges and greens will fill you with joy when you are able to open your eyes.
Today I danced in the sunshine with my daughter. We laughed and sang and ate good food. We celebrated spring and all of the newness it represents. We became colourful humans – and for once, I felt colourful both inside and out.