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Paramedic Nat

A Blog About My Mental Health Journey

Category

depression

During An Anxiety Attack

On this episode of BrainStorm: I record this episode during an anxiety attack to let you hear how it affects me, and so you might have a better understanding of your own anxiety or for someone you know that suffers from them.

Note: this episode has minimal edits to give you a true representation. 

 

Books

Daily Lessons from Save My Life School: Here

Save My Life School: Here

BrainStorm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

 

Ben Dionne

On this episode of BrainStorm I speak with Ben Dionne who gives his perspective on mental health and shares about his journey. Ben was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when he was seventeen, he become an advocate for his own mental and physical health, has overcome many challenges, and now lives without the label and, has a clean bill of health. 

Ben is the host of his own podcast called Fireside Chat with ben Dionne 

Follow Ben, Instagram: @bennydjetts & @fs_chats

 

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

BrainStorm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

The Layers Of My Depression

On this episode of BrainStorm: I describe the four layers of my depression.

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

BrainStorm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

 

3 Questions Answered

On this episode of BrainStorm: I discuss why we isolate, why it’s so difficult to ask for mental health help and why we can sometimes feel alone in a crowd. …

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

Brain Storm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

Looking To Smash A Broken Record

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I’m still searching for some meaning here. I’ve been ‘here’ before – figuratively and literally. I’m at Save-My-Life¬†Summer¬†School, where I hope to bump up my grades. “What grades?”, you may be asking. Well, my grades in coping with life and PTSD symptoms. I’m so grateful, don’t get me wrong. Like SO grateful. But no matter how you look at it, summer school sort of sucks.

I have a feeling that I will have a breakthrough – but alas, it’s only day three for God’s sake. I need to be a bit gentler on myself.

I actually bored of writing right now. No epiphanies to share. I’m numb. Completely numb. Like a robot walking the halls, emotionless and cold. I wish I had some feeling of connection to this life beyond being a mom; that connection is inherent. I mean a connection to a person or an experience. A connection to a feeling.

There were lots of spiders outside this morning. One even crawled onto my hand. A baby one. I passed it to my neighbour and he passed it to his. Without words, just passing spiders so delicately, like balancing a fragile egg on our finger nails, fearful that it would fall. It was moved safely to the seat beside us to go on with it’s merry day. It’s funny how none of us even came close to killing it. We’ve experienced enough trauma that even killing a spider is too much to bear. Well at least that’s my view of the experience.

I get so tired of feeling like a skipping record when I share what feels like the same story over and over with yet another nurse or doctor. I’m grateful – but I’m tired. The skipping record laughs at me and taunts me. Just when I think I’ve reached the end of the damn record, it skips and starts again. I wish I could just smash that record! Smash it into smithereens. Jump on it and scream for it to never play again. The pieces wouldn’t even deserve to be swept up. They don’t deserve my attention anymore. They don’t deserve my breath, my energy, my time. And I don’t deserve to be a broken record. Maybe I will smash it over the next eight weeks. It would feel so wonderful to have a different story. This one seems so pointless now.

Stories Behind The Smiling Pictures

On this episode of BrainStorm: My publisher Heather Down and friend Kim Forster share what it is like to be behind the scenes with me at events. Not everything is smiling faces like the pictures may show. Learn what it’s like to battle PTSD and depression while trying to feel like a contributing member of society – it’s not easy.

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

Brain Storm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

Back To School For Me Too

On this episode of BrainStorm: I’m going back to Homewood for the PTSD program. Accepting an abundance of happiness in your life.

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

Brain Storm by Natalie Harris is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

Michael Landsberg

On this episode of BrainStorm: Host of TSN Off The Record and founder of Sick Not Weak, Michael Landsberg shares about his battle with depression and anxiety. Get ready for an emotional roller coaster as he opens up about personal experiences. I also share about a topic I have battled with that i have never spoken of before…

Check out: sicknotweak.com

Pre-order my New Book: Here

Get Save My Life School: Here

 

Brain Storm by Paramedic Nat is proudly produced by PodcastWagon.com

Happiness Eclipse (A Tribute to Suicide Awareness Month)

dual-color-eclipse

Have you ever noticed how the most fragile and rare things are often the most beautiful? And have you ever noticed how their beauty often vanishes into the invisible abyss of atoms and time before they can ever truly be enjoyed? A snowflake, a dandelion seed, lightening, innocence – in all of a moment – they vanish. Happiness fits into this category of beauty for me.

I get frustrated with how happiness and my personal life seem to exist in separate orbits. Rarely eclipsing one another, but when it happens, like all phenomenons, it inevitably comes to an end. Watching this eclipse also my eyes to burn and tears to flow, especially when I see the orbit of happiness leaving, knowing that it will be a while until it returns.

Everywhere I go, I’m there. I can’t escape the sadness my mind simmers in so often. My mind’s inability to practice gratitude elicits enormous levels of guilt. And I know full well that guilt is a useless emotion – and that it only brings more pain. But still I feel guilt’s heavy dagger pierce my heart when I see the sunrise and simultaneously need to fight to see the beauty in it. I should be able to see the beauty in it. Why can’t I see the beauty in it?

September is Suicide Awareness Month, and I will endeavour to continue to share what it’s like to be in the mind of someone who has battled with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Don’t worry – I’m safe. But I feel it is necessary to continue this dark and often confusing conversation so that those who don’t understand, can; even if in the smallest way.

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